The Part of Jealousy We Don’t Talk About

The feeling of jealousy sucks - I put it right up there with resentment. Emotions that we push down or ignore, rather than understand what is at the core.

But what’s worse than jealousy is how quietly it changes our behavior. It is insidious. We don’t talk about that part.

We say we’re supportive, collaborative., that we are rooting for each other.

And then someone in our world starts getting attention…certainly more attention than we are.

And something shifts. We get a little quieter and little more distant. A little less generous than we’d like to think we are.

I felt it recently - it was an old familiar feeling and it was an unpleasant one.

Someone operating in a similar space to me, with similar clients, receiving all the accolades.

And suddenly they’re everywhere - People talking about them, people praising their work, my feed is highlighting them 24/7 (or so it seems).

And if I’m being honest, my first instinct wasn’t curiosity. It was to pull back.

Which is kind of wild - because those are often the exact people I could be collaborating with and learning from, even sending business to.

So I have been thinking - maybe jealousy isn't the problem. I think pretending it’s not there is. Because when I sit with it, it usually points to something useful - where I want more visibility, where I’ve been playing it safe, where I haven’t been as clear as I could be. Or perhaps my own ambivalence about how hard I want to go after opportunities. Or my own scarcitty mindset.

It's not comfortable to admit it - but it's probably true.

So here’s what I’ve been wondering:

How many opportunities—partnerships, referrals, conversations—never happen because of a feeling we are ignoring and choosing not to understand? I don’t think it’s a small number.

How do you use jealousy as a guide to help you discern what it is that you really want?