Coping with Change
During what can easily be considered the most turbulent time to be a human being on this earth, our lives still manage to continue and bring smaller changes every day. I say smaller because they aren’t on a global scale, but at the end of the day, these “small” changes can have a major impact on your mental and emotional health. In my personal life, I had already begun considering the impact of transition due to the passing of my mother this past November. Coping with my day-to-day grief alongside the communal trauma of COVID made it all the more important that I do my internal work to process everything going on around me. I was dealt another blow recently in losing my dog who had been with me for many years. The changes this loss brought to my daily routine were innumerable and deeply affecting. Again, I dialed into my internal life. I often paint to process and release emotions that might be trapped inside, and I dedicate time to being introspective when large emotions come up.
My beloved dog, Bueller
For me, home life and family are necessary for good health and overall wellbeing. We're all going through change all the time, and we don't necessarily have to embrace change, but we have to accept it if we want to stay healthy and happy. Resistance to change exacerbates stress and can create unwellness in our lives. It’s important to remember that not all change is bad, but positive change can cause the same stress internally as negative change. Regardless of the nature of the transition, we look at what is within our sphere of influence and control and focus on that rather than all spin out over all the things that are outside of our control. Some things are simply out of our hands.
So in this season of change as winter becomes spring, notice how you are changing. How do you want to change? Where can changes create an opportunity for you? How can we appreciate some of the gifts that come with change? Awareness is the first step in any journey, and knowing where we are in the model will help us focus on where we are resisting change.
Below we’re going to explore the different stages of reacting to change or transition, and with this model, your awareness of where you are in the process of change could help you to develop a deeper understanding of your internal life during volatile times.
DENIAL
The first phase of transition is denial. We often begin to feel the change before we can see it, and as beings who value comfort, we assure ourselves that change isn’t actually happening.
“How good things were in the past”
“They don’t really mean it”
“It can’t happen here/to me”
Numbness
Everything-as-usual attitude
Minimizing
Refusing to hear new information
It is common to observe: withdrawal, "business as usual," focus on the past. There is activity, but not much gets done.
RESISTANCE
We deny the change, but it continues to occur in our lives. This is where our resistance comes in, and this can be the stage where the most internal stress occurs.
Anger
Loss and hurt
Stubbornness
Blaming others
Complaining
Getting sick
Doubting own ability
You will see: anger, blame, anxiety, depression and shying away from larger tasks. "What's the difference? Life is terrible anyway."
EXPLORATION
Eventually, we release our need to resist change and begin to explore our options. In this phase, it is especially important we focus on what we can control and let go of what we cannot.
“What’s going to happen to me”
Seeing possibilities
Chaos Indecisiveness
Unfocused work
Energy
Clarifying goals
Seeing resources
Exploring alternatives
Learning new skills
You will recognize: over preparation, confusion, chaos, energy ."Let's try this and this and what about this. ..." Lots of energy and new ideas but a lack of focus.
COMMITMENT
Understanding what you can do for yourself during transition is incredibly liberating. When awareness becomes understanding, we can commit to the change.
“Where I am headed”
Focus
Teamwork
Vision
Cooperation
Balance
Occurs when employees begin working together. There is cooperation and a better focus. "How can we work on this?" Those who are committed are looking for the next challenge.
This work is incredibly important and can ease our discomfort while transitioning, but it is also important to remember that it is okay to feel awful. Doing work doesn’t automatically ease our pain, but it does allow us to move through the pain more smoothly and completely. As a Broadway fan, I am often reminded of the song “Holding to the Ground” from William Finn’s Falsettos:
Life is never what you planned
Life is moments you can't understand
And that is life
Holding to the ground
As the ground keeps shifting
Trying to keep sane
As the rules keep changing
Keeping up my head
As my heart falls out of sight
Everything will be all right
Everything will be all right
