10 Days (And Ways) To Connect
Connection Starts Here.
Most of my life, I’ve been a connector. I don’t mean that I’m some billionaire match-maker; nor do I work at Human Resources at a swanky company. I have, however, spent about 30 years collaborating with and connecting with people — as a coach, as a public relations expert, and a corporate recruiter. Getting (and staying) connected is like performing a beautiful dance: You can know what you need to do or accomplish inside your head, but until you feel, experience, and practice the steps... the dance won’t work.
With the constantly-multitasking nature of remote work and social media in this “age of distraction,” we pretend like we are truly connected to everyone and everything. But are we? With all of our apps, phones, and “smart” devices, have we grown closer to our inner purpose? Or have we lost track of what we wanted to do in the first place? Maybe we have never looked deeply enough, and connected to a dream for what our life could be. The challenge of truly connecting — especially this year, with everything presenting a challenge to that connection — has never been greater; nor has the importance of it ever been more immediate.
This post is a way to share 10 of my key ideas about connection. As you read, start thinking about how YOU want to connect. There is a long, winding path ahead; if you let me, I can be your guide—and your biggest supporter. Get connected. Stay connected.
Day 1: Shut Down Your Devices
This is the obvious answer to the question: why am I so distracted? We are, in fact, wired to connect to this 24-hour news-cycle with the convenience of contacting anyone at anytime and the ability to order something online from a remote location. So, try this. Turn off. And see what happens. Does the world come to a screeching halt? No, it will not. But your brain will get a much-needed break. In the 1960s, the counter-culture expression was “Turn on, tune in, and drop out.” Perhaps an amended version for the 21st century could be “Turn off, tune in, and see what happens.”
Day 2: Enjoy Your Endorphins
There is no need for any kind of artificial stimulant: power lies within ourselves, in the form of brain chemicals that send the right kind of signals to our nervous system. Our endorphins — triggered by healthy behavior, exercise, natural excitement, the sun — can help us to relieve stress, decrease loneliness, combat fear, increase self-esteem, affirm relationships, and diffuse tension and pain. Once all of those magical powers start kicking in, the possibilities for connection are endless.
Day 3: Be Fearless
This might also be subtitled: How I Learned to Face All My Fears and Become the Badass I Always Knew I Could Be. Connection happens when we let go of preconceived notions, when we stop judging others, and when we STOP CARING ABOUT TAKING RISKS. Over there is the edge. It may take us time to find our launch pad, but we must eventually LEAP and find our happiness.
Day 4: Cultivate Yourself
Yes, you are a farmer in this scenario. Your crop: connection! You plant seeds (some of the ideas in this post, perhaps), and then you wait for them to grow. However, you don’t just stand around watching the clock and the sky. You find ways to cultivate your life along the way, just as you would cultivate a field of vegetables. Feed your head with ideas, be open to new experiences before saying “no,” and welcome disagreeable conversations as a way to understand views that are different than your own. Grow.
Day 5: Open The Circle
Many coaches often talk about the differences between connecting and networking. Networking is making connections for the purpose of advancing a project or gaining a new position at a business. Connecting is acknowledging that we share values, purpose, a sense of mission with regard to our work and life. In order to network and connect, we need to OPEN our circle of relationships. We need to welcome new clients. We cannot close off opportunities just because something may seem unfamiliar. In the end, one random connection may change the course of your thinking or your direction. The key is to stay OPEN.
Day 6: Just Listen
Meditation is shutting off in some ways—and opening up in other ways. The key to successful meditation is the ability to look inward and listen: to our thoughts, to the blood coursing through our veins, to the wind. When we connect with others, we need to focus some of that same intensity on the person next to us. We need to connect with our ears and our hearts. If you keep talking, you’ll miss everything.
Day 7: Aim Your Arrow
Your desire is the point of the arrow. Where are you going to direct that desire? How will you CONNECT with the things you want the most? In order to get where you want to go, you need to look at your own map. Make one.
Day 8: Take Off Your (metaphorical) Masks
Let’s park the surgical mask discussion for a moment and talk about another kind of mask — one that may protect us on one hand, but also limit our potential to connect. Metaphorical masks are the things that help us cope with our insecurities, as well as everything that we don’t know or understand: defensiveness, fake-ness, fears, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and wounds. To drop our metaphorical masks allows us to connect more deeply and authentically. It requires vulnerability and courage — but the benefits are many!
Day 9: Face The Dots
In our lives, obvious connections will always present them-selves, popping up like dots! What’s challenging—what occurs to us as hard—is figuring out how to connect all the darn dots. If each one represents a quality we like, a job we wish we had, a person we’d like to meet, a moment of synchronicity...how do we link those things together? How do make sense of the paths to connection?
Day 10: Remember That When You’ve Got Nothing, You’ve Got Something
Feeling empty, lacking a focus, or losing track of your purpose: it all feels like nothing and emptiness. Perhaps you can’t find a job. Maybe your relationship has ended. Let’s remind ourselves of the very important fact: nothing is not actually nothing. The bump in the road is what sends us onto another path. Each “nothing” is filled with the opportunity to get closer to ourselves. A connector is always an opportunist!
I hope this has been a helpful read! For even more ways to connect, please check out my book The Connection Challenge: How Executives Create Power and Possibility in the Age of Distraction on Amazon!